32 Is The New Camaro

What does it mean to feel old?

I'm 32. If you ask my Meemaw, I'm still a kid. If you ask some of my fellow classmates at UCO, I'm old. They'll tell me, too. It's funny to them. I'm an odd duck at college. I'm what they call a "non-traditional student," and that has nothing to do with the fact that I wear Hammer pants and a chef hat every day. It has to do with my age. Most non-traditional students are actually much older. Mainly women in their late 40's to early 50's who want to finish that degree they put off when the kids were born. So you have babies, early menopause, and me right in the middle...

The fact is, I don't feel any older at 32 than I did when I was 21. I still like the same music, I don't ever tuck in my shirt, and I don't listen to Glenn Beck.

I am very much a punk and metal kid who has a penchant for soul music and outlaw country.

I'm not old, am I?

Almost every time I see a teenager wearing those ridiculous looking skinny jeans or the girls who look like Cyndi Lauper, I just shake my head. I can't believe someone would willing look that silly based on a fleeting trend....

...I use to part my hair down the middle, shave underneath the longest part, wore Jnco's and No Fear shirts....

I don't think about that crap in those moments, though. It's my hypocrisy, and I wanna own it.

The fact is, I'm in my 30's. I don't care how young that sounds to old folks and how old that sounds to younger ones. It's just where I'm at. I'm in my 30's, and my career hasn't even begun. That's the part that depresses me a little. I'm going to be working with teachers my age who've been doing their job for almost 10 years, now. I'll be almost 50 when my oldest son graduates high school. I'll probably be looking at the end when he's in his 40's. There's a very good chance that my life could almost be half over...

Depressed yet?

I'm trying not to be. When you look at it like that, it can seem a bit sad. The truth is, however, we all have a short amount of time to get it all done before we die. It really doesn't matter if you start when you're 20 or 50. There is the bookend of life and death that surrounds us, and the events in between are solely up to us. It's hard when so many people have a time table which they hold every one else up to. I guess it's just a matter of realizing that my time table, my story, is different than anyone else, and I refuse to let someone write it for me.

Plus, I haven't peaked yet. That's what's exciting. The best years of my life are still ahead of me! I'll never be like the popular high school jock who, now in his 30's, realizes that the meaningless little world of high school football were the best years of his life.

Caleb is getting excited....